Peaks and Valleys
I haven’t written in a while.
While this is partly from being incredibly busy, learning to weld, replacing brakes and rotors on my truck with a friend to save money, getting the farm readied for Winter, the other half of the answer has been partly from a lack of motivation.
It’s all part of the peaks and valleys in this journey I suppose.
But not every update has to be chock full of good news, right?
Much of what we wanted to do and have done by Summer’s end hasn’t materialized.
The good news is that the masonry bread oven is near completion.
The bad news is that everything else in the Breadery is not near completion.
I had always thought that we’d be able to button up the rest of the Breadery by now before Winter sets in by using funds from Summer bread sales.
That plan didn’t come to fruition.
The bread oven build went somewhat over the business budget.
That in itself would have been fine, but not when coupled with some personal financial issues that happened simultaneously.
This got us in a bind.
So our savings took a hit and left us unable to get more materials to finish up the work that is needed to be done.
We still need to insulate and put up boards on the walls for the Breadery.
I have plans for this and we’re ready to go once we can boost up the budget.
Good insulation is expensive but in the long term it is very worth it.
I used 6 inches in the walls of the tiny house of mineral wool insulation and it has done a remarkable job of keeping the heat in.
I wish to do the same in the Breadery having already been familiar with this type of insulation.
For wall covering, we want to use wood and rough sawn boards from a local sawmill.
The plan is to plane the boards and with a router, cut a shiplap joint on the board’s edge for a tight seal of the wall.
By doing the planing and jointing ourselves, this will save us about half of what it costs to buy boards like these from a lumberyard.
I am looking for work now to make up for the funds needed to get this Breadery operational.
Lots of folks and the community at large is still supportive and eagerly awaiting our hearth baked breads (and super secret pizza parties).
That is comforting!
I take pride in the fact that we were trying to do this all by ourselves and on a shoe-string budget.
And I know that we will get to the promised land eventually.
But right now my well of confidence is getting dry during this drought of progress.
Is it my fault? Most definitely it is.
But I’m pissed I lacked the financial wizardry to turn my small budget into start-up magic by now.
I had such high hopes when we secured our Kiva micro-loan as the impetus to kick this whole project off.
With the delays and us not being ready in time for Summer farmers markets, I can’t help but feel like I’ve let people down.
I honestly thought we could pull it off.
And we did come close to getting in by the end of Summer were it not for lack of funds.
I hope we did not miss a big opportunity here.
Having to get a job off-farm is necessary now but feels like a step backward.
It’s frustrating to be stuck in limbo.
Renovating this farm and starting a farm business is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I didn’t expect it to be easy but at a minimum, I wanted it to stay on track and keep up the momentum, which in turn elevates the motivation for the next stage, the next task, the next build.
The Long View
I know that this self-pity will retreat once more progress is made.
I need to internalize these delays and bumps in the road as normal occurrence for any entrepreneur.
Taking a step backward is often necessary in order to go forward.
Overall, I have been enjoying the journey immensely.
Among the peaks and valleys we’ve experienced thus far, this one was darker and less assured.
It hit us hard and left me questioning the adventure.
Now I need to dig deeper.
I need to let go of my ego and emotional attachment to these business start-up stumbles.
Bring it back to compassion.
Compassion for oneself:
“For compassion is a well that never runs dry.”